Dieting!!! #%&*@+! Yes. I don't have to abuse your eyes for you to know what those symbols mean. That's (translate please) what I want to say when I hear the words, "Well, I've lost 30, 50, 80 pounds on this wonnnnnnderful diet!" I want to say shut the @#!%*##$ up you self-righteous ONCE FAT PRIG!!!
But I don't. I SUCK IT UP and I look down and stare quietly at my tensed up hands, praying for the next day to come quickly, because I'm not ready, not ready to "diet," "lose weight," "starve myself," "feel achy hunger pangs," see those gorgeous, yummy, delectable apple fritters or scones in Starbucks and have to RESTRICT myself from buying one of them when I want to buy a raspberry scone, then an apple fritter and maybe that morning bun with the mad cinnamon swirls throughout the yeasty dough. Sigh!!! You see, I know every last pastry in that Starbucks case. And since Bloomberg blew in on an ill wind, I also know the bloody calorie content of each.
The above reaction was me, MY MOSTLY FAT LIFE, until three years ago, when I was ready. I had come to the end of me. There was no one degree of separation. All separation between me and me had vanished and somehow, I was whole. I can't explain it. But I knew I had the power to change my lifestyle and I finally made up my mind to do just that. You can read the particulars in the post "I Just Want to Testify." But most importantly, I want to say that no website, no person and not even you can influence you to take charge of your eating habits for the rest of your life. You have to be ready. And if you're not, it's OK. It will come. I am quoting Shakespeare when a famous character of his said, "The readiness is all!" (Do you know what play he quoted that from, all you Shakespeare lovers?)
If you do, then I am offering you to take part in the TAKE THE CHALLENGE CONTEST! No, no, no. You thought I was going to challenge you to a weight loss contest to lose that last ten pounds you've been slaving to get off, or that last 80 pounds you gained with your last pregnancy twenty years ago, or that 20 pounds you gained recently because your new, honey-man loves to eat and he's well heeled and takes you to places like Jean-Georges or Per Se in NYC.
No! Have I taught you nothing? Your weight is your business. The readiness is all. I'm not saying not to lose weight. I'm just saying, the readiness is all. And that brings us to the CONTEST. Locate that tiny "comment" link at the bottom of the post and click on it. Tell me if you agree or disagree with me that "the readiness is all" regarding losing weight, and tell me WHY you think that way. Finally, WHAT IS THE PLAY AND WHO IS THE CHARACTER that said those vital words?
Weight Watchers? It's the closest thing to a lifestyle I can think of short of vegetarian, organic, live or vegan. (Have you seen Margo Dill's May 18, 2011 post on this blog? Have you seen Jennifer Hudson lately? Both are Weight Watchers lifestylists.) The contest will end next Wednesday. Now, go put on your thinking cap then post your comments.
Clue: There is a film version of the play, and Kenneth Branagh played the title character.
*The contest is only available to those living in the US and Canada