Friday, May 13, 2011

The Laws of Fatology

You've all heard of Murphy's Law:  "If something can go wrong it will go wrong." ('s_law/ ) And O'Toole's Commentary on Murphy's Law:  "Murphy was an optimist!"  (Murphy's Law and other reasons why things go wrong, Bloch, 12 Well, I've read three of Arthur Bloch's books ( ) and I've come away from the enjoyable reads in reflection upon my life as a chubbasaur.  After heart-rending meditation, I've created my own variants of Murphy's Law as it has applied to my experiences yo-yoing, dieting, losing weight and gaining weight each time to higher and higher levels, achieving maintenance and TRYING TO LOSE THOSE LAST 10 POUNDS (still not there yet)! 

Out of the ashes of my utter fat frustration and despair, this phoenix has arisen: The Laws of Fatology! (and there are other categories of laws as well) It's my way of laughing at myself to better cope with The Second Law of Thermodynamics (entropy) as it applies to my weight loss. (Though I am now "thin," the battle is still raging.) Most importantly, I use these Laws of Fatology to remind me of the perils of my unconscious wish/desire/need to overeat emotionally and physically as a food addict. For me, they serve as the ULTIMATE PREVENTATIVE to deny the inevitability of my return to obesity. Call it what you will, it is my "vodoo cure" against the "fats," and it has no dangerous side effects.

Legend has it that aerospace scientists who applied Murphy's Law to their engineering feats, looked for every potential way "something could go wrong" in their designs, locating them before they blossomed into defeats. So be it for me, in my ongoing chapter of "Obesity Wars." If I am reminded of the inevitability of fat cells filling, then PREVENT, Carole, PREVENT! (It's like defensive driving around any fat relapse-accidents.)

For those of you like me (I Just Want to Testify) who have yo-yoed, gained weight and lost it, and gained and lost and tried every diet conceived of from our cultural ethos' brain and even bought prepared foods to help you lose weight (and then gained it back) you will relate to these laws. What's fun to know is HOW they relate to you:  i.e. a specific experience you remember. If you have an additional take on any of The Laws of Fatology, share it. The law's corollary will carry your name! These truisms are out there in the nether reaches of our fatscape just waiting to be identified.  At the very least our list will offer humorous encouragement to elude entropy (the tendency to let all our weight loss fall down into rabbit hole of fatness).

Definition of Fat as it relates to the Laws of Fatology
       1)You are Overweight or Obese and above on the BMI Calculator.
       2)You look in the mirror and see unsightly waist bulges, or your GAP 29-30 jeans are too tight (and   you're not pregnant).
       3)You are in a profession which demands your BMI to be Underweight and you register Normal.
       4)You wish you could get into a)your wedding dress, b)the size you wore at your thinnest, c)a bikini

                                                                  THE LAWS OF FATOLOGY

First Law of Fatness

        If you can be fat, you will be fat.

Corollaries of Fatness

           First Corollary of Fatness

                You will be fat at some point in your life,
                             1)until you join the millions of dieters to begin the yo-yo cycle of weight loss,weight gain, weight loss, weight gain, etc., ENSURING A LIFETIME CONTRACT WITH YOUR FAT.

           Second Corollary of Fatness

                If you have a genetic predisposition to be fat, chances are you will be fat.

Well? I know the laws are rather gruesome, but so is entropy (as it relates to the material world and our flesh). Do these ring true at all for you? If so, when did they? If not, that's good, isn't it?  On a positive note, if you've successfully lost weight, then keep reminding yourself about The Second Law of Thermodynamics (entropy) or if you will permit me, these Laws of Fatology any time you feel like resorting to repetitive, unnutritional, high caloric eating habits! Prevent!!!

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