Wednesday, August 3, 2011

The Master Cleanse: Cleanse Fest

The readiness is all! One month ago I vowed after I finished reading The Complete Master Cleanse that I would detoxify my body of all the metals, residues of antibiotics (from diseased chickens and cows I have eaten from years ago) pesticides from washed non-organic fruits and vegetables and substances in the water I have swallowed which has held God knows what, including fluoride. And these are just the known substances. I can't imagine what else I have inhaled or taken in by skin or mouth that has been corrupting my tissues, organs and blood supply...but I'm sure my kidneys, liver, skin, etc., have been working overtime to rid me of these invisible, enemy secret agents.
I am in the preparation stages for the cleanse, beginning to fast and eventually wean myself off of two addictive food items: non fat lattes and Seven-11 coffee with French Vanilla creamer (the worst...I am clueless about the nature of the ingredients I can't pronounce). But for now, I allow myself no solid foods, but the lemonade drink which I find delicious, organic soups, coffee and nonfat lattes.

Lemonade recipe:  fresh organic lemons, filtered or bottled water, organic maple syrup grade B and a pinch of cayenne pepper. Caveat:  this is not the complete cleanse. Click discussion:

I am not nervous about cleansing to purify my body. And I know that this cleanse, will expurgate my mind of all the cultural toxins, attitudes and perceptions I have ingested all these years. But I do have a great fear. What will I do without believing that "thin women have it all," now that I am one of them? To what replacement concept will I adhere, if I discover not only is it too late "to have it all", but I could never "have it all" because I wasn't born the Queen of England or Sheba and Solomon didn't beg me to visit his kingdom? (He didn't; she went for a meet and greet to glean HIS wisdom.) A shattering of stifling delusions. Oh woe, oh woe, oh woe, sad day, alack! (I've recently seen three of the Royal Shakespeare Company's productions one finer than the next: Romeo and Juliet, Julius Caesar and The Winter's Tale and I find Shakespeare's iambic pentameter sifting through my soils.)

Back to oppressive, smothering delusions! As the metals are removed from my kidneys and colon, surely metal will be added to my character: courage, fortitude, self-determination, self-satisfaction. Will it not? As each day passes, won't I see with my own eyes these qualities and more? Will this be enough to replace the queer notion that "thin" women are the gatekeepers to fashion and beauty? Will the strengthening of my resolve to cleanse my being of all noxious pollutants enjoin my spirit to remove any double mindedness about my purpose as a fat philosopher ranting about mad cultural issues? And what then, after I've achieved a mind enema and laid my corrupt wastes at the doors of Michael Kors, Gucci, Ralph Lauren, Prada, Hermes and Bergdorfs?  Will The GAP ever fill my inner gap again like it used to?

God Help Me, I hope not. My urge to purge is not bulimic. It is mental health affirming. For what woman can suffer the slings and arrows of Madison Avenue Advertising, the Fashion Industry, the Weight Loss Industry, the Health Industry and the Cosmetic Surgery Industry whether she be fat or thin? After she has been trodden down with the psychic torment of knowing she can never fulfill the great, hot air brushed American Beauty Dream, how can she retain her individuality, wholeness and sanity? She will lose a measure of both, regardless of how much she rebels abjectly or embraces wholeheartedly the American Beauty Dream's toxic cultural attitudes about women.

Rebel? Embrace! Rebel? Embrace! (Imagine all the psychological derivatives that manifest with every action and reaction of rebelling and embracing. Wouldn't the Chicago Board of Trade love to bet on those!) What a waste of talent, genius and energy. But such is the lot of women. Weight for a man makes him look prosperous and distinguished. Plop the same amount of adipose on a woman?  She is a fat t--d, despised and unwanted. And now recent studies have shown even her rate of pay is lower than the "skinny bitch" who "has it all."  Ha, ha, ha. The horrific irony is though the stick insect believes with with her whole heart she "has it all," why do men still have the upper hand philandering (a woman's slut factor {alloted fewer sexual intimacies before she is labeled a "slut"} is lower than a man's) can pick and choose and despite her surgeries, enhancements and fillers, she ends up marrying a schlump who, having no clue about her needs beyond whether his man cave is properly appointed, could care less that she is soooo empty inside? Well, honey, when you buy a house of cards with jokers, the clowns always come to foreclose on you.

I do hope and pray that skinny bitches everywhere open their eyes. Not only do they "not have it all," they are in worse shape than the fatties who in their existential, isolated ostracisms are closer to fundamental human truths about men, relationships and their own existence to know that no one can make them happy; contentment must reside in the Spirit. And while we're comparing, probably the Queen of England has not even achieved that kind of contentment...well, maybe a nano second in between the rigors of her destiny and duty which drain a bloody toll as she embodies her Tootsie...Roll as head slave of the state.

Well, readers. If this is any indication of what's to come in the future effulgent writings of a master cleanser, then brace yourselves. It will be interesting. And I promise not to regurgitate any of the spew near your mind. I will commend it back to its source with all the force with which it was vomited upon me.

FYI  (I'm not sure I would take such studies to heart. Remember the source...psychology is a pseudo science... and possible lack of research rigor, but I'll include it so you can arm yourself mentally if you bumble up against such drivel in a negotiation session with your boss. If you are thin, then you should have no problem...hmmmm.)

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